To Sherlock Holmes she is always
the Woman.
I have seldom heard him mention her under any other name.
In his eyes she eclipses and predominates
the whole of her sex.
It was not that he felt any emotion akin to love for Irene Adler.
All emotions, and that one particularly,
were abhorrent to his cold, precise but admirably balanced mind.
He was, I take it, the most perfect reasoning and observing machine
that the world has seen,
but as a lover he would have placed himself in a false position.
And yet there was but one woman to him,
and that woman was the late Irene Adler,
lady of very very dubious reputation
Sherlock Holmes.
And now look here,
smile.
A birdie will fly out.
What if I blink?
Then we will make another photograph.
Is this scary?
Mary, please look at the camera, smile.
And now the birdie!
One, two,
three!
Story three. Clowns.
Doctor, isn't it true that a man is a terrible creature?
He wants to adapt this world to himself.
What would you say?
Tell me, Holmes,
weren't you taught to knock before coming in?
But why? Are you doing something indecent here?
It is rude not to knock.
Not answering a question is rude, as well.
- Your question is silly and pointless. - Really?
But it's the basis of my whole method.
By the way, a man is a slave of his habits and desires; show me a thing
and I can make a portrait of the person who owns it.
You, for example, have changed this small world,
you made this room into an operating one,
you even write like you're dissecting a frog.
By the way, what are you writing?
Well, looks like you will need the operating room soon.
You asked for it.
I'm ready! You are predictable.
I've foreseen it.
A straight right
into the body. I've foreseen this as well.
What would you do if I didn't have a serving tray?
That would be left uppercut.
Mr. Holmes, why did you bend this serving tray?
Doctor, you again?
He's a Capricorn,
don't you understand?
He is an inspired, ambitious and vulnerable creature. Water!
Water.
Yes, and you are a Gemini, a dreamer, head in the clouds.
I'm Aesculapius.
I'm a Virgo, neat and calculating. You would be lost without me.
You're talking such nonsense, Mrs. Hudson.
It's not nonsense. The planet positions in all horoscopes
Mrs. Hudson, do you really think that rocks flying somewhere in space
millions of kilometers away from each other can affect a man?
- Especially his fate? - Yes!
Look,
right now the earth is the constellation of Aquarius under the influence of Mars.
That leads to cold weather.
Do you remember
it was so cold in July?
I live with benighted obscurants.
It's cold because wind is blowing from the Arctic. Stop it now!
Get the hell out!
Holmes, what's wrong with you? Are you insane?
Get the hell out!
You know what I will tell you, Holmes?
You need to drink some cold water
and smoke a pipe.
Try mine.
I'm calm, doctor, I don't need any pipes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Here.
So what?
I will try to explain it simply.
Why would Irene still the photograph from me when it's in all the newspapers?
What an elementary question, why didn't it occur to me before?
Well, now it did.
You are blind.
What if the whole Sholto story was just a diversion
and I've missed the main thing?
And if I've missed, I've lost.
Because of the photograph?
Good day, inspector.
- Is Mr. Holmes here? - Inspector!
He's not well.
Oh, I know he's not well.
Inspector, I'm here!
Told you.
Well, if we weren't in the center of London I would say this bloke had just been brought in from the front line
after having had his head blown off by a shell
Maybe with trinitrotoluene.
What?
Nitrocompound of aromatic series.
A quite strong explosive.
- Explosive? - Yes, it was invented about 20 years ago.
Never heard of it.
Oh, you will.
No, wait, Lestrade, don't trample the evidence!
This glass is evidence?
Damn.
It's not glass,
these are photographic plates.
I think everything happened because of them.
They weren't shattered by the explosion,
they were methodically destroyed right after that.
You had better order your people to pick them up carefully.
What an interesting coincidence: just now we were talking about the photograph
- What were we talking about? - About the photograph - John, what were we talking about? Doctor, I'm asking you?
- I just thought that - I do all the thinking!
And you are just trampling the evidence and disturbing me.
- Tracey! - Yes, sir!
Pick all these shards up.
Sooo?
A normal wedding photograph, if a bit racy:
the bride is in the last months of pregnancy. The fiance is a sailor on one of the ships of the British navy.
Apart from the photographer and the happy couple there was someone else,
and this someone is the most interesting person of all.
Holmes, if it weren't for the unlucky bride sitting in the next room
where a sergeant is treating her with motherwort tincture,
I would think you were bluffing.
But how do you know she's
in her seventh month?
Why didn't you tell me straight away?
You're trying to expose me as a hoaxer?
This is a wooden barrier that photographers usually install
to measure the exact distance to the camera lens.
These footprints are a woman's, you can see that the man's are closer than woman's.
Fine, but
maybe the bride was, so to say, a buxom woman.
You're showing it right, a buxom one.
Buxom women usually have wide hips, but considering the distance between the footprints, she was thin
and the sailor was holding her by the waist.
Don't worry, lady, everything will be done very quickly.
In about two minutes, right?
In one second.
Magnesium, a very bright flash - the latest thing in photography
And now look here,
smile.
A birdie will fly out.
What if I blink?
Then we will make another photograph.
Is that scary?
Mary, please, look at the camera and smile.
And now the birdie!
One,
two,
three!
So the sailor?
The footprint from that shoe. It's a uniform shoe
of the sailors of Her Majesty's Navy, Lestrade, confirm it.
It's nothing,
the murderer was standing here,
see, the footprints are powdered,
he came out a few seconds later after the explosion. Tom's footprints,
and then this somebody came back,
he came back
and smashed the photo plates.
They are clean,
they don't have any plaster on them, so these plates were smashed
after the dust had settled.
Fine, but why do you think that these were actually
a fiance and a bride? Maybe, I don't know
Because you are standing on a Fleur D'Orange bouquet.
It's a wedding bouquet.
- So, this was your acquaintance? - Acquaintance?
You must be joking,sir! A very close acquaintance.
I'm not speaking of the fiance, I'm speaking of the person who was standing in the corner.
Have you found Tom at last?
Inspector?
My people went to the port.
We should be at St. Patrick's cathedral this evening.
You know, Tom is so smart!
Do you know what bimbom bramzeil is?
Is this a piece of ship's rigging?
No, it's not. It's not.
Will we find him, missů?
Almost Mrs.
I wouldn't be so sure.
Fine, what happened?
He said a birdie will fly out, and then boom, and was it.
Was there anybode else or not?
Yes, I think so.
Some gentleman came in right after us.
What did he look like?
Like a gentleman.
Do you know a lot about fish?
Why do you think so?
Your hands told me.
These are old cuts.
As you wish. What fish did he look like?
A pike.
So he was thin and had a narrow face?
Yes! Yes, yes, and also like a crab.
He had glasses?
Yes! Of such colorů blue.
And the fins? Ugh, hands? Hands?
Like those of an octopus.
Long?
He was all like an octopusů pale.
An interesting method of taking a portrait parle.
- Yes. - I've got it. - And he... and you...
Holmes, can I talk to you for a minute?
Without Watson.
I will tell him anyway.
That's your business.
And you look like a catfish.
This is classified information, Holmes,
that's why your brother asked me to engage you in this work.
What information?
The assault was on the sailor.
Why do you think so?
He does serve in the navy,
but in a secret unit.
They test out some new things.
What new things?
Even I don't know it.
Sir, sailor Tom Taylor didn't come back abroad the ship.
What nonsense, why would they kill a sailor even if he knew some military secrets?
Well, it's about the idea, Holmes.
Rubbish
The admiralty, sir.
- Thank you, sir. - Thank you, sir.
- Listen, Holmes, maybe you'd better go alone. - Go!
I don't really like offices.
Are you afraid?
You could say so.
Shame on you, Watson.
You were in a war.
Yes I was, but the offices I don't really
Watson!
I can't tell you that.
It's a classified information.
Then investigate it yourself.
I was told about your miraculous method.
My method is based on having all the information.
Do you study ballistics?
I've read your book.
All your calculations were based on having all the information:
height, speed, distance, etc.
My method is the same.
I shouldn't have listened to your brother.
This is an insane idea.
Good bye, sir.
Sit!
Sit.
But don't tell anybody.
I won't sign anything.
The British navy works on the newest submarine.
Tom Taylor is a submariner.
Why do they need to kill him?
You will find this out yourself.
With all due respect, sir, I understand stealing, stealing secrets, even torturing, but why kill?
Recently we began to notice that somebody is selling our secrets to the enemy.
Maybe Taylor was a spy and was eliminated.
I don't tale guesses.
Do you have any facts?
No facts.
Apart from
I'm listening.
According to our intelligence, a similar submarine is being built in Germany's shipyards.
I understand.
I understand, sir.
Good.
Don't drop me.
So, to eliminate this version once and for all.
I should have taken my gun with me.
No but if he is a spy?
Bimbom Bramzeil, Watson, is a pub.
Sir, do you have a room for us?
We have, but not for the likes of you.
So what is there for us?
You need Metropol probably.
Give us some ale for a start.
Did you hear, Pete?
Dickenses have arrived!
What do you want?
We're looking for a bloke called Tom Taylor.
Haven't heard of him.
Pity
His barge is already out
and he has to stay here.
It can't be helped
Here's your ale.
I don't drink and my friend doesn't either.
We did it just to keep the conversation going.
As you wish. 2 pennies.
What for?
For the ale.
So, John, should we pay?
No, of course not.
Pity you didn't bring you gun with you.
Everything is boring.
Remember I told you this morning
everything is similar to everything.
You didn't say like that.
Doesn't matter.
Fine.
Who cares about a tuppence.
You didn't drink it anyway, did you, gentlemen?
And we won't.
And don't.
Terrible booze
Have a good day, gentlemen.
Good day.
Cab!
Watson, quickly get in.
Where are we going to?
Behind that corner for a start.
Go!
Stop.
Come here.
We're waiting for a companion.
For whom?
A companion.
Tom Taylor, it seems.
But he wasn't there.
Considering the fact that they let us go without bruises and scratches, he is exactly there.
Excuse me, sir, can you show
To St. Patrick's cathedral!
Could you please move your leg from my hand,
- it hurts very much. - You're a spy, Tom.
What?
You're a spy,
and if you don't show up at the wedding you will be accused of spying and hanged.
Mary told you that, right?
Mary said you are a smart man.
Sir, please, I don't want, please, sir.
Maybe a ring on your finger is better than a noose on your neck.
- But she's dumb, sir. - Yes, and this dumb girl is carrying your child.
But I'm too young, gentlemen, to have children.
It's the gallows, then.
Or maybe it is all the same to you?
To be honest, I didn't know Mary has such protectors.
She doesn't; you do.
Stand up.
Help.
That's what we are trying to do.
What pressure is there at a 10m depth?
High, I think.
What's your job abroad the ship?
A stoker, sir.
Sir, honestly, gentlemen, I swear I'm not a spy.
I know.
Now you're a fiance.
- Look, it's Tom.
Thank you. Thank you, sir.
We've wasted this day for nothing.
It's not nothing.
We've wasted this day for nothing and for nonsense.
What secrets does a simple stoker know?
We haven't even found the murderer of the photographer.
Mrs. Hudson,
some tea will be nice.
Milk, maybe?
No, I'm asking for tea.
I don't know, but if I were you
Damn it, what's going on?
You shouldn't swear today.
Your sign is in the constellation of Aquarius today,
so be careful with water.
Fine, make some coffee.
With milk?
With milk.
What is that box there?
It was brought to you from inspector Lestrade, they said you know.
- Mrs. Hudson, I would - Watson!
Have you ever printed photographs?
Sorry, Mrs. Hudson.
I found it.
Doctor, I found it. Do you hear?
I found it
What happened?
Look.
Look. Hold it.
Does it remind you of anything?
It's the same photograph.
- Yes. - It's not just a coincidence.
Yeah. I told you that.
I told you that.
It doesn't matter.
The photographer was murdered because of this plate.
- Look carefully here at this face. - What?
Look.
Glasses.
- Do you remember? - Yes,yes,yes.
Eyes like crab's.
- Crab's. - Blue glasses.
Eyes...Yes, I need to ask Williams.
- Who is it? - Charlie.
Where? This one?
Do you know where he is?
Yes, I think so.
Open up! We are here on a business matter.
Visits are in the evenings only.
We have a paper from Scotland Yard.
Scotland Yard.
Can't wait, eh? You won't leave people in peace.
Good day, Mr. Holmes.
Rat Pearce!
Is there anything to have?
Don't, Mr. Holmes, I'm on the path of correction.
Yes, a low road.
Williams!
You know everybody, Holmes.
Only the ones in jail.
Or almost all of them.
Charlie!
Charlie.
Yes, it's me, sir.
I'm Watson.
Doctor Watson.
Glad to meet you, sir,
but I'm healthy.
Well, give me your hand. Hand! Give me your hand!
What is it that?
Maybe I scratched myself.
It's shrapnel, Charlie, shrapnel.
Philby, remember? Doctor Philby, he wanted to amputate it and I was against it.
Shrapnel?
- Shrapnel! - But we don't use shrapnel in Sussex, sir.
- What Sussex? - Only shot.
You served in Afghanistan!
- Charlie, what - In what county?
Why are you here?
- They said I was robbing cab passengers - And you weren't?
I'm afraid of horses.
You served in the cavalry!
God forbid, sir, I'm just a fisherman.
These people, who are they?
Some officers.
All right. Who is this?
Some gentleman, sir
Strange.
It is just that Charlie stupied in a drama studio when he was young, and now he's playing a role.
What studio, sir?
They're all murdered!
Murdered!
- How sad. - This man scared you.
- Nobody scared me, sir. - Let's go.
- This man scared you - Nobody scared me! - You will be killed as well
- and this performance of yours will end very badly - Let's go.
Let's go, I can't look at that. Let's go!
- Charlie! - Guards!
Charlie, Charlie stop, come here!
- Charlie! - Guards!
Open the door!
I remember you
Doctor, I remember
It really didn't help, sir
Who is this man?
Mor
More?
Guards! Guards!
- Why did you do this? - Open the door!
Where have you been? Did they pay you?
Take him by his legs and to the infirmary.
What did he say?
What did he say? What did he say?
Where's the head guard? Open the door!
He was a good soldier.
Don't be overly sentimental. He was a robber and a murderer.
He was a good soldier.
I don't understand. I do not understand.
You will never understand.
Why does one photograph leave so many corpses?
Who is so ashamed of his looks?
You need to ask your acquaintance about it.
I'm thinking about it.
Let's go to Soho afterwards, it's such a wonderful area.
Of course.
Tell me, have you been in a variety theatre?
Never.
I wanted to take you there. There are
beautiful girls singing. They sing and dance couplets, but
you know, these couplets they are not for a prude's ear.
- I'm not a prude. - Yes?
You're not a prude, sir, you're a wallet.
You're American,
two days in London,
came to buy a locomotive.
Do we know each other?
And near the exit from the Ministry of Transport she slapped you on the face. Let me guess why.
- Because locomotives kill innocent animals - Yes. Yes,yes,
something like that, and now she's showing you London?
- Yes. - You are a wallet.
Give the photograph back.
Sorry.
Sherlock, what do you want?
Oh, a lot. Good day.
For example, the weather becomes worse and worse every year so
you know, right now the Earth is in the constellation of Aquarius under the influence of Mars, that's why it's so cold.
What do you want?
Why? Why cannot an old friend visit his acquaintance?
An old fiend can. An old enemy can't.
I have never been an enemy to you!
I know.
So stuffy. I'll open the window.
There are bars.
My god, Irene, you live in a prison.
I live
In some sense. What a safe! What's in there?
It's a woman's secret.
I always loved secrets.
What lock is it?
Let me try.
Let me.
A safecracker friend of mine taught me how to pick any lock
I promise I won't look inside, it's just professional interest.
Don't be so rough, Irene.
Get out!
Please leave.
We're not welcome here.
I found the place, it's a safe,
but we won't be able crack it.
- Are you sure? - That the photograph is there? No
But that it's not money - absolutely.
I'm sure there's something that is, I would say, very important
But since we can't steal this thing
we have to think of a plan
so that she would bring it to us herself.
Listen, what's the most important: the woman or the photo?
The photo.
- Watson, what is this? - Wait here, in the gateway.
What are you doing?
Where are you going, sir?
What are you doing, sir? What are you doing?
Open the door! Open up! Somebody let me in! Open up! Open!
What have you done?
A good use of the photographic chemicals.
But Irene is there!
Wait! Wait! Did you want the photographs? I think we will get them now.
You
Wait! Quiet, quiet, quiet!
Let me help you, let's go. Let the woman out first.
It's damn Irish! Go away!
No, no! Give it back!
- Holmes, run! - Give it back! Bastards! Let me go! Let me go! Holmes, get back! We will be all killed!
Sorry.
Holmes, I beg you!
So, I take it we won't be dining now.
Dr. Watson.
Dr. Watson! What happened?
What happened?
Doctor Watson, you begin to resemble a rouge.
Here!
Damn, I can't see the face.
What absurdness! What a mystery!
I don't understand.
Holmes, today I
I don't understand why would you steal a photograph where you can't see the face anyway?
Today I lost another friend,
and today I became a criminal because of you.
What should I do?
Do I need to pity you?
Do I need to congratulate you?
What, doctor?
I know this watch,
I saw it!
Lestrade!
I...I know this watch!
Lestrade!
Lestrade's face is much more pleasant.
Who was it?
Go, go!
The biggest mistake,
no, not mine,
the almighty God's,
is you, Holmes. You with your extravagance
are not just interfering the investigation,
you are harming it!
Don't think your brother will always protect you.
You are an accomplice of a criminal!
Inspector. Holmes
What are you doing here?
- Tracey, see this gentleman out the door. Out! - Please.
The great detective couldn't guess that the sailor should've been taken at the wedding,
guessing is
too hard for him.
But we've taken him
right from his the marriage bed.
That's it,
you're not investigating this case anymore,
please return the evidence and out, get out of here!
- Ask about the prison. - Yes!
What were you doing in the prison?
A murder has happened in your presence.
The doctor was visiting his friend.
Holmes, don't you think you're sowing death?
Everywhere you go - a corpse appears.
Holmes, so what was in that letter?
Do they want the photographs back?
No.
So why did they kidnap Irene Adler?
They're going to kill her.
So, what do they want from you?
They want me to steal a fur coat
from the French ambassador.
What?
Yes, it sounds silly.
Why do they need a fur coat?
Maybe they're cold.
Monsieur Victor,
my quill is
about to blot an important petition.
I understand that politics is a dirty business,
but I don't want to be that literal.
Could you get me real steel English nibs?
Yes, monsieur, I'm going to send a messenger now.
But actually, I'm almost done.
Call your messenger,
let him deliver the letter to the ministry,
you will go with him.
Yes, monsieur.
Voila! Who's looking so grumpy?
Charles Gauthier.
Sherlock Holmes.
Holmesů. Holmesů I've already encountered you're name somewhere.
In the recommendation letter.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, Mycroft Holmes, yes, yes, yes. Sit down.
I hope you're not an English spy?
But I don't have any secrets from a friendly country.
Holmes, where can a respectable man entertain himself?
You can play croquet
It's boring.
- Covent Garden. - Too academic.
Shakespeare: can't sleep for a week after all these betrayals, intrigues, murders.
What else?
We have a variety theatre.
Even so! Where?
I'll find out.
Please do find out, because our people in the embassy read Hugo all day.
- What tastelessness. - I find Dickens even more tasteless.
What have you read from Dickens?
Nothing.
- Good man! - I don't like belles lettres, I read it only if I need to.
Need to? How's that?
My friend is a writer.
You know, my third secretary does it, I mean, does the English culture.
Could you acquaint me with your friend, with this.
Can you put the sound down?
I can. But actually this music should thunder.
It brings me back from the dead.
I think it will kill me.
Holmes, I have one letter here
for your diplomatic parish, could you deliver it?
- To the Foreign Office? Of course. - You will be given a carriage.
- Why? I can walk there. - No, it's a diplomatic pouch, after all.
I'm sorry about the formalities, but you'll have to sign this. Monsieur Victor.
Here and here. Now if the letter disappears, a guillotine will be awaiting you.
Joking. Monsieur Victor will accompany you.
- Monsieur. - Very glad.
Actually Foreign Office is on the left,
and the opposite direction is to St. James' park.
Do you speak English?
Is his stomach upset?
I thought French people are patient.
Three days.
Sorry, I'm so clumsy.
Did you upset your stomach? Oysters maybe?
"Rock, paper, scissors and a bottle of lemonade, and a box of chocolates, and a screwdriver's also needed, pencil, water, fire, one, two, three".
Watson, are you all right?
Excuse me, what?
A chauvinist officer.
Thank god we're in an empire,
thank god it's a monarchy, and chauvinism has never been here and will never be!
A chauvinist officer. Why do you need to write this?
The reader is not interested in it.
But it's true.
My dear, the truth of life and the truth of art are absolutely different things,
and the aim of an artist is
to pass the real-life events through
the crucible of his, so to say, talent
- in order to create and release a - A fairyale.
A piece of art.
Can I give you an advice?
I think I have a good idea. This story with the treasure,
you need to follow this path, you understand?
Ancient treasure hunters,
secrets, romance.
I don't want to advice you, but I would start with this:
a poor young woman comes to this detective of yours,
every year she has beem receiving a pearl and suddenlyůso,
I don't know, and so on.
No need for politics, all right? We have other columns for that.
I want to compliment you,
absolutely seriously.
You improved your writing, you write much better than you speak
Watson!
So how did it go?
- What's on? - Everything's so terrible.
Why do you need to ask? Isn't it obvious?
I was just curious, I
Do you want dinner
- or a drink? - Yes.
An ambassador wants to meet with you.
With me?
You're a writer.
You left your notes in the living room once.
"Beat the drum, play the trumpet, slash the enemyů"
Oh, it's just an the early work.
Some horrible atrocity is being planned in the embassy, and I'm a tool in their hands.
But the ambassador is a fine man.
Where's Holmes?
Good day, inspector.
It is you I need, Holmes.
Good day, inspector!
What?
Do you want pleasantries?
You're like a languishing lady who loses her consciousness when no curtseys are exchanged.
- What happened? - Your sailor escaped.
First of all, he's not mine, but Her Majesty's!
Secondly, how did he manage to do this under the eye of your vaunted guards?
And thirdly, I... I don't know why he did it.
You didn't ask me a single meaningful question.
Where did you find him?
He said you found him and drove him to the wedding.
In a pub Bimbom Bramzeil.
Where is it?
In the port,
but I don't think he's sitting there right now waiting for you. He's not that stupid as to hide there twice.
Maybe he missed his bride, which is unlikely.
You've found enough. Maybe you're right about the pub,
but still. I'll send Gregson to the port. Gregson?
To Bim Bom Bramzeil?
Anything else?
Yes, Holmes.
I hinder your life, presumably. Exactly!
And you do it on purpose. Inspector, you're not being excluded.
Thank you
So, Inspector, I hope that now you will give my friend some peace.
And you, Dr. Watson, are becoming like him.
Don't you think, Inspector, that a man tends to make everything around him
resemble him?
You, too, have a good day, Inspector.
Why did he come?
I need your help.
This evening we are going to a reception in the French embassy.
Yes, thank you.
Can I try it?
Jane, are you sure?
Vickie, if I managed to harness a mustang, then I can deal with this slime one way or another.
Madam, don't cut your wonderful fingers.
Take a lemon.
Take it in your mouth
Swallow
Drink champagne, madam.
Awful.
I think the same.
Mesdames, messieurs,
I propose to drink to women! Yes!
What's this?
Why does this chicken have such a piquant taste?
These are frog legs, madam.
Sorry
Monsieur Victor, take madam to the toilet room.
In India they also eat bugs, cockroaches, and
Are you kidding me?
Yes, excuse me, but You have a charming wife.
And where's your wife?
Somewhere. I haven't met her yet.
We don't accept unmarried people for diplomatic work.
We had this rule too,
but we decided afterwards that adultery is way more scandalous than the adventures of a bachelor
Reasonable
Please excuse me.
Vickie, why didn't you warn me?
I did. Being an ambassador's wife is very hard
But not this hard
To your health!
Let's go and eat properly at last
So
Now there's no need for these ceremonies anymore
Yes
Yes, a very sweet couple.
A very sweet couple.
And madam Jane is just charm itself.
What simplicity!
Yes, yes
Well, I can say there are very complicated relations between our countries
Yes?
Yes! I would even say we are at risk of war
Yes
But why?
Oh, nobody remembers why
but let a single spark appear, and
Oh well, but it seemed...
It just seemed so.
The reception was full of hostile subtexts
Was it when you fed the oysters to them?
Oh, and that too. I let them know that our country is more civilized,
it's a much more sophisticated country,
and if, god forbid, something happens we will feed them this way till they're blue in the face
And them?
Who "them"?
Oh, the ambassador hinted that he doesn't make empty promises,
and if they harnessed a mustang, then as for the slimeů
They will deal with the slime somehow.
But the reception was spent in a constructive conversation
and I can say that us three: the ambassador, I, and his wife
are the last stronghold of peace between our countries
Yes?
We have been trying to bring our governments to the table of negotiations for 1.5 years,
but unsuccessfully. Unsuccessfully...
You are also active participants in this conflict
We?
I mean England.
Enlgand.
And if, god forbid, something happens, I mean the war between America and France, you won't be left out.
It's difficult
It's very difficult to realise that you are responsible for millions of human lives
Now you understand?
They want to start a war!
Yes? I thought it was the other way round
And I will be the one to do it. I will kill thousands of soldiers
How?
I don't know.
I can't even imagine.
But I saw how they put a note into miss Jane's bag
What note?
I'm sure a loving letter
How iquant
And it's written by a French hand
So it's the French who wrote it?
The handwriting is forged
So what, the American should fall for it?
Well, fine, even if he does, can this really start a whole war?
Leave it, Watson, wars start because of quite small trifles
You know, I think I will say a horrible thing now
Don't, doctor Let me Don't tell
Let me ask you, is a life of one,
let's say it bluntly, not a very virtuous person really be worth the lives of hundreds of thousands soldiers?
You make it sound so simple, doctor.
A life has a price for you.
You're an accountant, you're a textualist.
But here your accounting, your mathemaics, doesn't work
I'm a soldier!
I've been sawing the stomachs and jaws of our lads,
who were sent into this meat grinder by our moral and principled politicians, I!
If I were asked if
the life of this person, of this
whore, is worth the lives of a hundred thousand men, I wouldn't hesitate
Hey, puny.
Vegetarian?
I'm puny?
No, I'm well-fed.
But you're lean
Like a dried pike
Interesting
You're goggle eyed, are you wearing glasses?
Are you afraid of light?
Continue
Your arms are fidgety, like tentacles
Are you studying ichthyology?
I study criminology. You're smoking Royal Caribbean
Maybe the bag is not thick enough?
No, he can't see
Stand up.
Up, up.
Stand in any bizarre position and I will describe it
Oh, let's
How do I look?
Like a fool
Nice.
Very nice.
You know, Holmes, yesterday my worries seemed to be so far away.
And I believe in my yesterday.
And you, Mr. Holmes, do you believe in your yesterday?
I believe in today
That's great.
Then let's get straight to the point.
Tomorrow you will put on the fur coat of the French ambassador and sneak into the American residence
Why?
Well, I also like to joke sometimes
I think I won't agree to this
Because a life of one whore isn't worth thousands of lives
You're thinking like an accountant.
Then we will kill her right now
That means nobody will believe me that I've been here. It's a pity nobody will ever believe in your existence.
Can I go?
Why?
You want to miss such a show?
Oh yes, I forgot, you won't see anything, but
I guarantee that you will hear everything very well.
I would really like you to feel everything yourself.
Hold her tighter.
We will cut her little finger first,
then one breast. By the way, maybe you want to try it yourself?
Silence
I understand it's easier to talk than to act.
Begin
No, please don't, I beg you, don't!
Don't!
Right now everything depends on Mr. Holmes
Then kill me now, he doesn't give a damn about me!
Yes, yes
He said it exactly like that: "I don't give a damn about this whore".
Cut
I agree!
Pick him up.
And now listen carefully
Tomorrow during breakfast I will read in a newspaper that at night somebody sneaked into the residence of an American ambassador.
The perpetrator found out the time when guards were changed.
He climbed over the fence in a place that wasn't guarded,
climbed the wall to the balcony, the door from which was open because of the guards' oversight,
and got into the bedroom of the ambassador's wife
Mrs. Jane!
I'll explain everything
Don't scream now!
What are you going to explain?
Stupid operetta
Too
eager to attack. Sherlock
you often forget about the defense
But overall you aren't doing badly
I need your help
The ambassador of Germany with his wife
What a number of false smiles
I think you're exaggerating I'm understating
Why are you trembling so badly?
It became cold
The ambassador of Russia with his wife
And where are the bears?
Well, I think they are cycling in the streets of St.-Petersburg
He didn't come? He didn't. He's late
Maybe we could meet him at the entrance?
Mesdames and messieurs What use will it be to us? I invite you to the table I Don't know, need to do something
No
Go and sit, I'll come soon Fine, I'll wait for you at the table
You too don't like French cuisine? Oh, sir, I adore it
They invited everyone at the, table by the way
That's why I'm eating.
It's impossible to see all these dishes, smell them and have no opportunity to touch them!
Why? Can't you? I can!
I can
I
I'm not used to.
I just have no time. At first one is talking and the other eats, then they change roles, and I'm translating the whole time. I have no time!
These are some problems
Yes Good bye
They didn't come?
No
Damn, I need to go.
Pity I didn't borrow a sandwich from the translator. Sorry
Ladies and gentlemen!
Mesdames and messieurs! Somehow it came about that the greatest national holiday of the French
is celebrated not in December, when the whole world celebrates Christmas,
and not in the spring during the Easter, but in July, when common people destroyed the main French prison, the Bastille.
It means that we're celebrating vandalism.
But we French are romantics,
and we believe that the day will come
when every prison in the world is destroyed and when there is established a kingdom of freedom, equality and brotherhood,
and I'm happy that you're with us this day
Freedom? Very cute, monsieur.
Absolute freedom.
Tell me, is this your note?
"French are famous for their love fantasies, and I'm no exception. I propose to meet. Love should be free"
It's not my note. I didn't write this
Whose handwriting is that?
Why are you quiet?
Monsieur ambassador's
And whose fur coat is it? Well, you don't need to answer, there's your monogram in the lining
Where did you get it?
In my wife's bedroom
Vickie, no!
Vickie!
I did everything. You promised to free Irene
That you did... is horrible
Yes, and I don't even know
if they'll free her or not
Tomorrow a war can be started
Did you see how happy the German was?
I know who will be the happiest
Listen, Holmes, I think you just made up this fictional character, this,
I don't know, the embodiment of the world's evil, this
And I told him this
that I'd be the only one who will believe in him and no one else would.
I want to come home
Don't know, don't know
So what, Mrs. Hudson?
What are the stars telling you?
Tomorrow you'll have a good day
And today?
And today is already over.
This lady is waiting for you
Sherlock, I
I came to take my things back.
Are you without luggage?
Check your pockets! Is the wallet there?
Remove the ladder!
Ready to go!
So Mrs. Hudson was right, the day started off well.
Nobody will find her in Argentina.
Let's go?
Where?
Do you believe in the afterlife?
I'm a doctor
Monsieur, good day, monsieur!
Meet Dr. Watson, get to know him till there's an opportunity to do so!
It's a great, great Aesculapius! Fine, fine! I forgot my stick
What stick? You didn't have a stick!
That's obly your opinion! But you're right.
What do you say about this music? The ambassador loved it Stop this outrage!
Oh, the miracle!
Soldiers, take him
I'll explain!
Don't scream now! What are you going to explain?
A matter of life and death
What are you doing in Jane's bedroom?
Trying to start a war between America and France.
I hope you will prevent me from doing that
And you really said it like this?
I'm very eloquent when nervous
No, it's impossible, are you kidding me?
Vickie.... Vickie
But then they will kill her. Chop her finger off first, then a breast
Am I an actor? You're a gentleman
Jane, how will it look like? Amusing. It will look amusing
No, it should be quite persuasive. It should be quite plausible
Fine, get ready, we're going No, not now When?
Tomorrow at the reception At the reception?
Otherwise there's no point
But this is a public humiliation. I can't go to such lengths
Vickie! Vickie!
Is it long since you've last read the Constitution, eh?
Jane
It's not the time
It's always the time, Vickie, always. I hope you remember that is the main American priority is? The President
Human life
And not your dignity and comfort, Vickie
Jane, don't
Or I will really cheat on you
And then Mrs. Jane says: "Vickie, let's write something on the wall with blood!" Blood!
Blood?
Oh, what a sweetheart this Mrs. Jane is! Simplicity itself!
And didn't take long to persuade me
You're French. An artistic nature Yes, yes, yes
By the way, here's a whole list of variety theatres
Oh, how lovely.
Ooh, how lovely! Thanks a lot
So, em, what's next?
John, you're a military man, if you create making fake explosions
then a blank shot must be nothing for you
We need to go
I need to go too. I need to quickly visit all the embassies and convince people that I'm alive and well.
Maybe we can organise another reception?
A great idea. I have only one thing to ask from you What thing?
Announce about ten minutes of silence at the table
Why?
So the translators will have time to eat Alright
Are we not going home?
We have another business in the admiralty
And what are we going to do there?
I understood everything right there
The watch.
And? What will we tell him?
Wrong question. What will he answer us?
I hate offices Me too
Excuse me, gentlemen
But just quickly. How is it going?
What do you want?
Tom...Tom Taylor, what have you done?
Carried out the sentence, sir
You! Who are you? A judge? An executioner?
I'm a secret agent of Her Majesty
Quiet, quiet
I've eliminated a German spy
I'll get help Don't, doctor
Sir, everything's because of the photograph What photograph? What photograph?
Shelf ╣6, cupboard 2, volume 4.
Sir
I still love Mary, you know?
Even though she's stupid. We'll have a son You will And he will look like you
We all look a bit like each other, haven't you noticed?
I recently just told Watson that all people are alike
He's dead, Holmes.
Sherlock, he died.
We need to go
Moriarty
Clowns
Translated by spiritcc, edited by spirticc's English teacher and the mod of thedarkbeginnings :)) Subtitled by sve-tka, spiritcc @ tumblr.com.